I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
