Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize