We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
