I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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