We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
