Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
