I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My feet surprised me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
