Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
