I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
