I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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