I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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