I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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