Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
