I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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