Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
