Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
