If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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