I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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