i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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