It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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