Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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