So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
