If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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