Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
