If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
