I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
smell my finger.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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