Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
