What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
