I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
