I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
