can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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