You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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