he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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