So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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