"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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