You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
