I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
