remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
