wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
