Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
