Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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