i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
