so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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