Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
