He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
