she kept yelling 'call me bella'
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
