your room smells of hookers.
And success
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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