The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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