The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
