Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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