I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
