I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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