I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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