Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
