never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
