your parents love me but you hate me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my poor anus
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
