So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The uberlube is also flammable
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize