i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
