Swine flu. Run for my life!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
