Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
